I’m off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of OZ

Slick’s parents place, Abu Dhabi, Sunday 31st October, 14:35 (local time)

Happy Halloween! Greetings to you on this wonderful day of decadent sweet eating and (hopefully) revealing costumes all round.

As I sat last night, in the 25 celsius heat, on a beach, looking out over the water and sipping an ice cold cider, I reflected that life is really awesome. I also further reflected, that here I am now, back in Abu Dhabi, and it is a totally different world from England. Furthermore, soon I am moving on to Melbourne for a gap year, which will be yet another world apart from where I am now.

At the same time, back home my sister and her family are emigrating from England to Canada, and the next time I see them, who knows when, will be in Edmonton. To top it all of, my parents are actually looking to leave the apartment I am sitting in right now and move (admittedly, to somewhere else in Abu Dhabi), so one of the several places I consider home will slide into the past, along with my beloved Durham-I went there a week or so back and, while it is lovely as ever, it has lost that unique spark which made it a home to me.

My point here, cliched though it is, is that change really is constant and inevitable- in fact, it seems fair to say that the only constant fact about life is change. And death. Ok, the only two constant facts about life are change, death and taxes. Ok, the only three constant facts about life are… you catch my drift. I feel like I am standing at one of life’s innumerable crossroads, paths branching off ahead of me in a number of (hopefully) awesome directions.

I feel that this is a positive thing- I know that change, for some, is difficult to accept, and that it can be daunting, but I really think that, as human beings, we need almost constant novelty to provide spice to our dreary everyday lives. In fact, I think desire for novelty, or lack thereof, is one of the defining features of a persons character, and the easiest way to characterise the difference between someone like me- flighty, spontaneous, adventurous and with a growing wanderlust and well-incubated Peter Pan complex- from someone more stable, responsible, and, well, adult-like. And please don’t take that as self deprecation- I think I’m awesome; I simply recognise that it takes a variety of types of people to make the world go around. I am a great guy to have around if you’re having a party, or adventuring in a foreign land, or any other situation involving alcohol, travel and socialising- but if you need say, someone to help you with… mortgage advice, or a dinner party, or directions, or any of those other things adults do I am like the worst choice possible. Regardless, it seems to me that all people need some change, some novelty in their lives, but that we are all on a kind of novelty spectrum, and I am towards one of the extremes.

So, to return to a comment I made briefly before; I am going to Australia for a gap year with some friends (Rebel, who you’ve already met, and Dave Danger, with more coming to joon us in the new year), commencing on the 10th of November in Melbourne. Once there, I intend to get some sort of job, hopefully in a bar on a beach, and do some travelling around Australia, and perhaps around South-East Asia when my visa expires. I intend to convert this blog slightly, away from its usual philosophical tone, into more of a travel diary, filled with our no-doubt wacky adventures. Kind of like Stephen Clarkes “A year in the merde” meets Bill Bryson’s “down under”, hopefully with all the sexy ladies of the former and the dry wit of the latter.

So, apologies to those of you expecting another scintillating dose of wisdom of the kind which usually characterises my blogs, this one is more a kind of unneccessarily verbose new bulletin. I leave you with this final thought.

There comes a time in every man’s life when he must step out from the protective shadow of his parents, schools, and college, and face the world, with all of it’s challenges- getting a job, paying one’s debts, perhaps finding love and, eventually, raising children, on his own two feet, as a man. Thankfully, for me, that time is not now, because I’m pissing off to spend a year getting drunk on a beach and there’s nothing you can do about it, society!

Love,

Slick

Distance kills the best intentions

Slick’s apartment, Wednesday 20th October, 23:22

Good evening everyone! Slick here again, delivering another slice of lofty knowledge from my perch of oracular wisdom.

Todays topic for discussion/exposition: long distance relationships are doomed to failure.

Now that you’ve had a chance to absorb that statement, I shall qualify it: long distance relationships, (by which I mean, a romantic relationship in which the couple necessarily spend most of their time geographically apart, for extended periods of, lets say, more than a couple of months) very rarely work , and it takes two very special people, and a lot of good fortune, to make them work. The amount of geographical distance depends on the ease and availability of transport for the couple, so someone without a car can consider anything beyond a few hours on the bus or train to be “long distance”, but someone with a private plane would probably be ok within their own country. Obviously I don’t have any definite statistics, so I am forced to assume that my personal anecdotal evidence is representative of reality and say that, of the long distance relationships I have personally encountered (and, in one case, been involved in), something like 80 or 90% have failed, and for the others- well, it’s too early to say really, but I don’t imagine more than a few will go the distance.

So, when, if ever, do long distance relationships work? Well, it seems to me that there are certain, very stringent criteria which both partners must meet in order for such a relationship to work. Firstly, it is important to note that being in love with each other, sadly, is not enough. I know first hand that, just because you love someone, it doesn’t mean you will necessarily make it as a couple if you are forced apart by life. I apologise if this is news to you, but it’s really disney’s fault that this is not common knowledge already. Just reflect, for a moment, on how many young, deeply in love couples break up in the first few weeks of university. Secondly, both partners need either a will of steel and/or a low/average sex drive. Unfortunately, people have needs, and when those needs go unfulfilled, and temptation presents itself, it makes people take unfortunate courses of action. Again, just think briefly about everyone you know who has cheated or been cheated on, and see if you can figure out where their partner was at the time- if the answer is “quite a long way away, and had been for some time”, you’ve seen my point- and for people who, let us say, have stronger… needs than others, the risks of straying increase exponentially.

Further (and I know this may seem obvious, but it’s important) both partners need to be thoroughly committed to making the relationship work- if one or both partners is not really sold on the idea, but is perhaps thinking “oh well we should at least try, distance seems like a shallow reason to break up”, then it is better to cut both parties losses and end it there and then, because distance is a great reason to break up and you need compelling reasons to counter it. The couple needs to be prepared to take enough time and effort to talk to each other, perhaps sacrificing aspects of their new lives/whatever it is that’s seperating them in order to do so. However- and this is the tricky part- it is also important that each partner is capable of being independent, and making it through some alone time without becoming paranoid/jealous. If you feel guilty because you missed a skype date because you were doing something fun/important, you’ll feel shitty, and then you’ll resent your partner, and they’ll be upset and possibly suspicious, and it will all go wrong- you have to learn to occasionally just let things go.

In a similar vein, the relationship, and both partners, have to be mature- the first blossom of love, when that special person makes you giddy and you can’t keep your hands off each other, is the best feeling in the world, but it will not survive the agony of seperation. Equally, that feeling you get when your 16 or 18 and you feel like your more connected to your boyfriend or girlfriend than anyone has ever been to anything is misleading, and it too will not console you when your beloved is just a voice on the end of the phone. Trust me on this one.

Finally, both partners need to have a great deal of trust in the other, a natural disinclination towards jealousy and the ability to communicate their needs honestly. If you do not know what is going on in your partners head, or do not trust what they tell you is going on in their head, then the relationship will end in bitter recriminations and a general breakdown of communication. Now, you all know I hate generalising, but it seems, in my humble opinion, that it is often the women in relationships who struggle with these aspects of openness and not-jealousy; perhaps they expect their partner to somehow know or intuit what they are feeling without being told explicitly (which is extremely difficult to do at the best of times, let alone when you are not physically together), or perhaps women are simply more on guard because, traditionally, it is the men who are viewed as likely to be unfaithful (perhaps not entirely without reason, though I personally suspect that infidelity is sadly universal).

So, for two people who are committed, good communicators, in love but mature, independent, not naturally jealous and easily able to resist temptation, is a long distance relationship then a good idea? Well, that is up to each individual couple to decide, but for me the answer is no- even if you make it through the trying times, that is exactly what they are- trying- and the rigours of separation will necessarily sour some of the joy the relationship ideally brings. Best case scenario, you come out of it a stronger couple, still with the person you love- worst case scenario, you break up somewhere down the line for unrelated reasons and you’ve put a serious strain on your life to no avail.

Now, that all sounds rather depressing, and I apologise to any couples reading this who are trying the long-distance relationship thing if I have ruffled your feathers- the above is, after all, merely my opinion, backed up by the personal anecdotes of me and my friends. I’d humbly like to suggest an alternative to the long distance relationship: break up. If, in a year or so, life throws you back together and you’re both still single, then good times- or if you’re both so miserable without each other you can;t function, then clearly a long distance relationship is the right thing for you. But if, ultimately, you mourn the relationship for a while, then move on with your life and maybe find someone who you can love just as much, but lives right next door, then you’ve saved everyone a lot of heartache and we all live happily ever after- in other, more clichéd words, if you love someone, let them go, and if they come back to you, it is truly love- whereas if they go off chasing skanks, you’re better off shot of them.

Yours romantically,

Slick